Old Spice

Chassis no. 14-450

Tony Stewart’s car is the kind of car that if you drove it senior year you would instantly be voted class president, homecoming king, varsity quarterback and class valedictorian of a high school you weren’t even enrolled in, located in a city that would change its name to “whatever your name is”-ville. You see, Tony Stewart’s car has been tested by world-class engineers who, after driving it, cured athlete’s foot and then immediately built a second, life-size Golden Gate Bridge using only Popsicle sticks and putty. The point we’re trying to make is that the Old Spice Chevrolet is a very special car. A car that, if you stare at it for more than eight seconds, won’t seem like a big deal until you wake up the next morning with a mustache, metal pants and a Scottish accent. Have we gone too far? Okay, here is what you need to know: Tony Stewart’s car is fast. So fast, in fact, that if you took it to a drive-in movie you would not only know how the movie ends, you would be able to recite all the lines to the prequel that hasn’t even been made yet at a party held in the car’s honor that you will have thought you had already been to.